Healing the Sacred Feminine

The Many Vaginas of One Female Body

2011-10-19T13:19:00.001-07:00

Now, I know you are thinking about a woman’s vagina as soon as I speak this word, however, her actual physical vagina is not what I am speaking about. A woman is an entire vessel of orgasmic possibilities, and when she is honored in her entirety of vaginas, she opens into a full lotus of pleasure, love and her Goddess self. A woman deserves to have her body touched in its entirety, and when she does, her whole body moves into orgasm, and it doesn’t even have to include her actual genitals.

When she is touched in all of her vaginas that are around her entire body, she slowly moves closer and closer to her orgasmic ride and wave of bliss that she is capable of. Each of her vaginas also have a clitoris and a central focal point surrounding the clitoris that desire to be adored. The “lips” of her vagina then are pampered and rubbed, or pressed, or caressed and slowly they move into engorgement and relax inside of her. This relaxation in each of these vaginas creates an awakening of her entire body where the Chi flow is then able to start and continues to expand and move as each vagina is nurtured and given the attention she really needs.

What are all of these extra vaginas I speak of?

There are many, and they are ALL over the woman’s body.

Her neck: the back of her neck, the spine that leads up to the coccyx, the muscles wrapping around the spine on the neck are her lips, and the coccyx is her clitoris, the spine is the empty space and opening, and the entire neck is her entire vagina as a whole. When squeezed, and muscles are worked out to their entirety; not just teased and given a small amount of attention, but truly worked out all of their knots and tightness, with firm or gentle pressure and as long as it take, this area become an access to her full body orgasm.

Her arm: the area of her arm below the shoulder and between her elbow on the exterior part of her arm is another clitoris. When you find the point that is that one special pressure point and when pressed on directly and held for 10 seconds or more, she has the capability of moving into orgasmic breath and wave of pleasure fills through her body.

Her thigh: the outside of her thigh from above the knee all the way to her hips on the yang, or exterior side of her body are another vagina of her body. The clitoris of this area is along the rubber-band muscle that is in the inner layer of her muscles closer to the back side of her leg also has another clitoris. The whole thigh muscle on the outside is her lips, and LOVE to be pressed firmly and squeezed to release their tightness.

The feet: the top of the foot and the bottom of the foot are an entire vagina. The top of the foot is the outer lips, the bottom of the foot is the inner lips and labia, and the entrance to her vaginal canal and her clitoris is somewhere along the bottom of her foot. For each woman it will be in a different location, and only she can lead you to the right place.

There are many more vaginas for each woman, and when you have sincere interest in discovering ALL of her clitoris’, she will surely lead you to how she likes to pleasured. And, after you have opened and given her all the expansion and foreplay in her entire body, then, when you reach her actual vagina, she will be that much more open and ready for you.

How do you Massage Each of These Vaginas?

It is a woman’s job to tell her partner(s) how she wants to be touched, and a man’s job (or her partners) to hear her and listen to her desires as she requests them. She might want firm pressure and holding still on one spot, or firm pressure and movement. The movement can be very slow or as fast as she likes. She might like grabbing and squeezing, or pressing and rubbing. She might like pinching, or gliding, or a tickling sensation. Each area might have different needs, but once each area is opened, it will allow her body to slowly move into a full body sensation of pleasure.

For example: I like my thigh vagina to be squeezed all the way down with pressure from both sides of my thigh, then squeezed all along one side all the way down. Then I like to have the massage go in circular motions around my clitoris, and stay in these circles for quite some time. Then I like the clitoris of my leg teased and only approached slightly with gentle and firm pressure on its point. Once the leg is opened and the clitoris has been slightly teased, then when going back to the direct clitoral spot, my whole body moves in waves of sensation and my breathing intensifies and I make sounds of orgasm; just from massaging my leg.

When the whole body and all of these vaginas are massaged in this way, I move into total bliss and euphoria that is difficult to stand. Then my actual vagina is extremely engorged and ready to be massaged directly and MUCH more sensitive to the touch when only massaged there. It’s like having foreplay for the body instead of going straight in to having sex right away. You have MUCH more pleasure when you have lots of foreplay than when you dive right in. The WHOLE body has the ability to have an orgasm and the more orgasms, the better!

In Preparation for the Moon

2011-10-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

This past weekends training in Basic Sensuality was a phenomenal program, and there were SO many things I would love to share about this course, however, today I want to start with the Woman, and who she is in preparation for her moon cycle.

It's so fascinating to hear what a woman already knows, and how she truly can be acknowledged for her feminine power during the time she is preparing to release the blood that is in her cells and a part of her power. We learned how when a woman is on the pill, it actually numbs all the possible hormones that allow her to get in touch with her femininity. It shuts off the connection and diminishes what's possible in her body. I suppose I have always known this because I only tried the pill for 3 days of my life, and knew, INSTANTLY, it cut me off from my real self. It's been over 20 years since I ever put one of those little pellets in my body. A woman deserves to feel ALL of her power, her grace, her vulnerability, her softness, and her hardness (that is her rage, anger, or dark side). During the time of preparation for the moon, all of the deepest parts of a woman are revealed, and when she can learn to honor those parts of herself and do her deep work during those times, as well as let herself be nurtured by others around her, she can move closer and closer to her true power and Goddess self, and be truly SEEN as a Goddess!

In preparation for the moon, it is a woman's natural birthright to receive the touch her body so desperately craves. And, touch IS truly what will help all of those hormones going through her body to relax; and so simply under the palm of your hand. Massage, taking baths, relaxing, doing yoga, cuddling, and love making are so precious and sacred during this time, and it is the time the woman's body desires it the most, and truly needs it. Her body is SO worked up, and it is going through changes inside of her; many changes she is completely unaware of, or the partner(s) in her life. It is a natural biological process, that when honored and nurtured can be used to truly embrace her and lift to her to her natural state of awakened juicy flow and the glowing Goddess she truly is.

She LOVES to be touched, with the palm of your hand, literally, and your fingers have all the magic she really needs. There is a process to touching her that when taught and truly learned, will have her yearning for your every offer to be close to her.

What they taught in this course, was like Tantra with a fine tuned fork. It was SO specific, and all the Spiritual talk and energy movement was not present here. It was more a dialogue of how to communicate to her, communicate to her body and have her craving for more. How powerful to bring the world of Spirit (Tantra) and Communication of Sex in one!

Love,

Asttarte

Detoxing the Pain Inside Us

2011-05-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first day of actually choosing to receive a Healing Treatment specifically designed in healing a rape. I went back to my old therapist with the stand "I am now ready! I do not want this impacting my life any longer." Because in reality, I know it was impacting every interaction I made, very decision I made, every decision and my way of being with clients, my son, his father, my parents, my brothers, my finances, my work, my artistic expression, my friends, my style of living, my monthly bills, even my spiritual practice, style of dress, my ability or lack of ability in making decisions and perhaps more.

EMDR is the method my old therapist uses and is specialized in, and in particular is specialized in this form in trauma. Now, everything makes sense. The rapes I experienced in high school were minor compared to this. They were more about a young girl who was too shy to speak my truth, not physically strong enough, or unable to stand up for myself and had trouble getting someone off of me. They were certainly violating and scary for a young woman, but this time, it was a major violation. This young man, and someone I thought I cared about actually grew up to become a rapist and in my therapists eyes, "a psychopath", and someone who will probably never heal his reasons or actions in doing so; someone I had hoped would make good decisions and be a kind person in our society, but instead, he turned out to be someone all women be aware of and stay away. He drugged me to unconscious and I had no control in my actions or words. I was silent and completely passed out. I have little memory of the event. He committed a real act of sexual violence, and as the blood poured out of me for a month after it happened, so is now my blood pouring out of my heart, my soul and my spirit body.

During the EMDR, I watched the energy releasing out of my head, my neck and my face, but in particular, deep inside on the right side of my vagina; the front right side, all the way right side and back right side. I watched, intuitively, the energy releasing out of this area and coming down my leg to leave me; as if there was an entity, invisible, stuck inside me I was totally unaware of. Now, I can finally, for the first time, be a stand for removing that which truly was keeping me back.

Everything is energy, and now as the energy leaves me and pours into the earth, I can come back to my passions and help others who need to do the same. I have done energy clearing for this the past 5 years, otherwise, I would have had no drive to be sexual at all, but this time we got to the core of it where I can truly walk the path of being free; and only I will know when that is, but yesterday was a huge start.

I am much older and wiser now and I know the power of these healing modalities and instead of keeping them to myself, as if they are a secret, I am here to share all of their power with you.

As a bonus, yesterday in giving a session, a tantra healing actually, I noticed the triggering was much less and I was able to perform in ways I haven't been able for quite some time. the only thing that did bother me after a while, was the muscles in my arm, but a massage can help heal that. I know my client was grateful. However, the spiritually minded are those who I will only work with, but I think that's a good thing!

Not Waiting Any Longer

2011-05-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

Cleansing the Cellular Energy Body

What does it mean to cleanse the cellular energy body? Well, the energy body is the layer of energy around and on top of your body that carries a vibration of who you are. It carries memories of your recent and far past of events, how you felt, and impacts how you feel today. Before the rape happened, I was a super Clairvoyant, and still have strong abilities today, however, they were covered, clouded and not as strong. There is a huge distinction with being able to sense that someone is a good person, and being aware that they may be dangerous to seeing and feeling their auras and the emotions that they carry in their energy field.

My Head and the Crown Chakra

Today, I decided to cleanse the energy around my head, and from the little memory of the event that happened, I know that this guy forced my head down on the bed. I know I was drugged, but I also have a faint memory of my head being forced into position. For the past 6 years, whenever my son's father, my son or anyone else came near my head, I was ready to cut their head off (as an expression). I literally could not handle them coming near it, and would pull back, pull away, or push them away so I didn't feel their hand near my head. It was so devastating to me to feel their hand that it felt like they were holding my head down with pins and needles even with the slightest touch. I even remember several years ago, it went all the way down to my shoulders, and I would NOT want anyone touching my shoulders either, but it started from the force on my head.

Today, after dropping my son off to school, and being super conscious of how my head has been craving this reiki healing energy I have been giving to the rest of my body, I decided to put some major focus on my head. I literally gave reiki on my head for almost 2 hours today. WHAT A RELIEF!!!! After about an hour of doing reiki, the energy started to finally creep in and my being was now accepting the energy to heal. The first hour was about removing the layer, the block and the armor. The second hour (or 45 minutes) was about actually going into my cells to remove the blocks in my energy field in, on, and all around every inch of my head.

I remember when I first started with Reiki 15 years ago and the feeling of pouring in the high vibration of love through my hands in giving myself the healing, just laying there and allowing the energy to do its work. Tears would release from my eyes as the energy poured in, as if the tears were the toxins releasing from my body; not actually emotional tears of sadness, but the energy toxins that were from impure energy of layers around me. And, today, I got to experience this again. Each time a tear rolled down my face, I knew the energy was going deeper and deeper and the vibration of darkness that covered me from the rape was actually, finally, releasing! What a joy to feel the purity of my spirit again, and the purity of the true essence that I am! Now I sit here writing and can feel the clarity around my head, my higher chakras are finally breathing again, and they are finally breathing in the light that they really are.

Today, I am truly grateful that I am alive! I feel like I can breathe again, and it feels SO refreshing!

I so look forward to sharing this healing energy with you again~

Love,

Asttarte

Newfound Spiritual Power

2011-05-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

Since the beginning of April, there's been a new initiation I've been going through. A friend of mine visited me during the weekend of the Grateful Dead. This friend is a Reiki Master from the MD/DC area; a Tantric Healer and Psychologist. And after we met at the mall with my son and had lunch, we came back to my place. My little guy watched a movie, and I layed down for a full hour receiving Reiki; a treatment I hadn't given myself since BEFORE the rape happened. I was a strong Healer before it happened. I was extremely psychic, was often channeling information from my guides and angels on how to help the person seeking my help, many times was instructed on my next steps by my angels and had a very close relationship with them. I could see auras, energy fields and peoples chakras and was guided in helping to clear them. I did Angel Magic regularly, went to drum circles, sang, danced, went to pagan ceremonies and my third eye was WIDE open. I could feel everything around me. I did tarot readings, and angel readings for people and was heavily involved in the spirit world, much before it become a popular thing in our culture. In 2000, 2001 and 2002 I taught Reiki classes and held reiki shares. I taught Ascension Meditation classes and was living in bliss, on the spirit world. The past 6 years I learned about bliss in one's own body; a different approach. Now, I am being re-united to my spirit power and merging both worlds into one!

In 2005 it happened, and my whole spiritual being got shut down. My chakras never closed, as they were FULLY opened, but everything became a blur, like a cloud of smoke was around me, and I had tried everything to reclaim my spiritual essence. It would show up in spurts, but nothing like it was before the rape had happened.

Then on this fateful day of my friend arriving, everything changed. After his session, I was more relaxed than I had been in over 6 years. I'm a different person now. My relationship with my parents is extraordinary compared to what it was, and my heart and mind are stronger. It was my spirit that was weak and the integration I've been praying for all these years finally started showing up on this day.

From that day on, I did reiki on myself almost every day. I was already a Reiki Master, and I wanted to live into this frequency as often as possible, and remember that I AM a powerful Healer, and I deserve to have the peace that surrounded me on that day, and everyday afterwards, and not just from giving Healing to others; but giving it to myself.

When my Beloved Goddess girlfriend came to spend time with me, I opened up even greater. What an amazing reflection of the Goddess I am, by having attracted such a gorgeous and powerful being. I so look forward to spending time with her again. She is reminding me of the Goddess I AM and always have been.

After about a month of doing reiki on myself almost every day, I woke up last Friday morning with a panic attack, and it lasted off and on all day and for the next 4 days. But after this, I received a Healing myself, got in touch with the rage that was keeping me anxious and in fear and cleared the root of the rape and the first layer of tapping into my true power. I am now more peaceful, centered, calm, and gentle with myself than I have been in a LONG long time; maybe ever. And it feels glorious to be in my body again. I will continue to give myself healing and now, am available to giving it to others. I now KNOW I am here to empower other women in this world, and help them to open so they can have the relationship with their beloveds they truly deserve! Getting rid of men's sexual frustrations is only temporary. When the women can access their true pain, be in touch with their power and open up their flower in their body, this then is when deep intimacy can truly happen. It's time for the men to learn how to help the women heal, and the time for women to reclaim them-self as The Goddess!!!

WHY the men are Always Sexually Frustrated!

2011-05-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

Why is it the men are always sexually frustrated?

I would like to elaborate on this a little bit and fill your minds with some perspective that might not have been considered, or perhaps give you something to contemplate for a while.

Women grow up as young girls, and often as young girls we are extremely sensitive to the things around us. We as children are more open, intuitive and feel more intensely what we do as adults. We feel like Healers do, and have higher perceptions of things around us.

Young girls often go through life, having to defend themselves, fight off people who cross their boundaries where they feel threatened just for being soft, feminine and girly. These young girls are easier prey to those bigger than them and get picked on easier and sometimes, although not wanted, the worst case scenarios, we get raped. And, often times all of these things that happen to us, get ignored and many times forgotten.

These girls go through life as if nothing ever happened. We live, we move on and we survive. But, yet we have deep hidden pains inside of us. As young girls we aren't aware that we were damaged. We have strong wills and like to have fun. As young women, we express our sexuality and party all the time. But as adults, as fully integrated women, it catches up with us. By this time we are married, we have children and are fully into our careers. Our husbands don't know our pains. Our boyfriends can't understand, but we know, deeply!

Then it dawns on our husbands that they want more sex. They are frustrated. They aren't getting it, and inside, our hearts are broken. Women are often soo suppressed that they aren't even in touch with the pain inside of them. Sometimes they are, but don't think its possible to heal, or worst, don't want to. We need to be nurtured, loved, caressed, and cared for as a Goddess and fully respected as women. We need to take the time to open our hearts and expand the flower that we were meant to be. But, the husbands we are with are frustrated. They are impatient, and they want instant satisfaction. And, they aren't getting it for the exact reason that their adrenaline is high and their patience becomes thin. They become demanding, needy and pushy. And as women we see this as a turn off. We pull away. We need safety and aren't getting it. We feel threatened and unloved, and the distance between the two of us becomes larger. Eventually the split from heart and body takes place and sex becomes not something of intimacy or love, but of need and often demand.

And a lot of you men out there are wondering why your wives aren't horny! Well, we women have been through hell, and YOU need to become our Healers, or we will put up a wall from you. So, my dear gentleman, I am here to tell you and teach you, you MUST become a gentleman and give your women the nurturing and the heart of yours she fell in love with. Otherwise, distance will prevail and overshadow any potential relationship you have.

My wish is for all men to learn to listen, to hear what the women of the world truly need and to open your hearts to love them. This then, is when the women of the world will TRULY give you ALL the love you ever wanted!

Blessings to you on your journey!

Asttarte

The Mysterious Girl

2011-05-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

"The Mysterious Girl: A male who desired intercourse must pass through four stages of attainment: elongation, swelling, hardness and heat.
Yellow Emperor: What do these attainments mean?
Mysterious Girl: If the stalk does not attain sufficient elongation, the man’s vital energy is too depleted for the act. If he attains elongation but little swelling, this means that his muscular energy is insufficient for the task. If he achieves swelling but not hardness, it means that his joints and tendons are too weak for the act. If the organ gets hard but not hot, then his spirit is insufficient for the act. In order to prepare properly for sexual intercourse, you must first harmonize your muscles and bones with your energy and your spirit (i.e. harmonize three treasures). You must also exercise self discipline, follow the basic principle of Tao, and never waste your semen carelessly."
by Bernard Atmovaibhav

Taking a Stand for your Feelings

2011-05-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes as a woman, when we're going through something big, we have no problem expressing these things. We have no problem talking about them. But, it's the other people in our lives, in our communities that have a problem hearing of dark times. They don't want to talk about it, they don't want to hear about it because they can't deal with their own feelings within themselves! So, isn't it funny how sometimes WE women who are healing end up nurturing the other people in our life to help them feel ok with what WE are dealing with. It's like the perpetual cycle of being the nurturer and caretaker. We were wounded. We were abused, and yet, we still have to be the provider to others.

I took a stand to my mother the other day. I had told her I was going through a process over the phone the day before. She then shut down and said she didn't know if she could handle having me come over; when all I said was I'm going through something. I am dealing with it and I'll be ok." But, she became defensive. Her guard came up. I informed her I'll be alright and am doing what is needed to relax and feel better. I let her know it would be supportive to me to be with her. So, I planned to come over the next day.

When I arrived, she wanted to drink. I made a request for her to limit her drinking. She refused at first, and then agreed with difficulty if it would make me feel more comfortable. I stayed with my son while she hung out back with "my" friend. I kept my distance and nurtured my son. Later on, before putting him to bed I walked to the back to let them know I was going to put him to bed. They were both drinking heavily and had a drink in each hand. I said good night and walked away.

The next morning, as soon as I got up. Mother started talking to me about the doctors and judging me for not having taken him. I had only took him a couple weeks prior. She started mocking me about my belief of not getting vaccinations and the metals they put in them. I asked her if she could please not talk about this right now, and to talk about it later. It was like that was the hook for her to become abusive and cruel towards me. I affirmed these are my boundaries. I do NOT want to talk about them right now. She continued talking about them and not listening to me. I asked again. She did not listen. I started to get upset she was ignoring my request. She said I was being controlling. Wanting to raise my arms, I made my way to pack the car and leave. I suggested she read about boundaries and learn about what it means to honor someone. "It's like having someone grab your boob over and over and over again and them not listening. Eventually you're going to get really upset." When you don't honor someone's boundaries it creates distance, friction, sometimes arguments and often break ups with those you love.

While I am going through this healing process I am taking a stand to not be around her. She has a REALLY hard time being with someone else's feelings and the exact time they need you to be supportive, she becomes the abuser. I find it fascinating and wish for her that she will one day deal with her resistance to feel her own feelings inside herself. For now, I stay away until I NO longer need her support. It's the ONLY time she can give it.

Holding the Space for Your Wife or girlfriend

2011-05-02T08:47:00.001-07:00

Coming soon!

Teach him to Be A Gentleman OR Fire Him!!!!

2011-04-30T04:54:00.000-07:00

Coming Soon!

She Asks

2011-04-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

She asks for permission
She asks for forgiveness
She asks to forgive
She wants nothing but to share her love
She is of gratitude for this life
She has swallowed her rage for too long
There is no where but out

All hurt that we all carry is hidden deep within. What are you doing today to release your deep anger, your deep sadness and your deep pain? Are you cradling your beloved today, or fighting with her? Women just need to be loved, even when they show you pain.

Survivors of Rape

2011-04-29T17:55:00.000-07:00

Survivors of Rape

She Keeps Talking to Me

2011-04-29T17:06:00.000-07:00

She still speaks, she speaks loudly, sometimes softly
the voices within her are becoming more apparent, more alive.
She is no longer in hiding. She is letting me know it was NOT ok.
The drugs she was given to make her pass out
unable to walk, becoming dependent on his insecure arms
wrestling to make sense of what was happening
She speaks now, my vagina, my womb, my yoni

I feel her pulsating between my legs.
She has a heartbeat.
It pounds when she is feeling protective
She leaks juice when she is feeling safe
It is forever unfolding
Something I know that can be healed
Something I have healed before.
I the Goddess, since birth
Since a life before.
I connected to my Divinity once again.
I am moved with awe of her power, of her strength.
She lives, and she speaks,
loudly!

She Feels

2011-04-29T11:21:00.000-07:00

She is angry
She has feelings
She doesn't feel heard
She has rage
for this man
who raped her
for all the men
who rape the women of the world.

It is time now to pour out the vessels of blood within my bones, my veins, my heart and my sacred center. She is talking to me, and she is crying; crying for all those who only want from her, and all those who take. All those who only want what they demand, instead of asking kindly for what they prefer. She doesn't need to be demanded of. It is no one's right to expect anything of her, but of what she wants to give.

No man can have what they demand. It will only come back to haunt them later; in lack of love, in karma, in chaos, in darkness. They MUST learn to love the Sacred Feminine. They must learn to honor the Goddess, and in honoring the woman, they also learn to love them-self within.

My Sacred Center speaks to me. She is crying. She is louder than ever. She is telling me is time now to heal.

Mother Earth Goddess

2011-04-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

The past two days I've spent with a Beloved Goddess friend who is in training to be a Womb Belly Goddess Healer and possibly Mid-Wife. She inspired me to start this blog about a month ago, but the first writings turned into a powerful healing of the sacred womb and the divine wounded feminine within me.

Remembering the moments we took the walk fills me with peace and a renewed faith that all that happened before truly can be transformed. We walked with my son into the woods, and came upon a rock that filled my pores and my senses. He headed down one path towards one large rock while sister Goddess and I both spontaneously jumped on this gorgeous rock before us and opened our legs to let the rock and the earth fill our bodies with love and grounding our energies to its mountainous form. We were literally allowing the rock to fill our bodies. I slowly began remembering myself as the Mother Earth Goddess and who it is I am. I listened to my body open. I felt my body feel, even slightly again. We went to the waters and bravely removed our shoes as we all trekked in the freezing cold water. That lasted only a couple minutes before we decided we would rather stand above water and be warm then be filled with freezing water.

We all gathered walking sticks to embrace our natural Shamanic Earth power, even when not in nature; as this is something I need to re-embrace in my life, having chosen a home close to the city; when my heart and spirit need the nature so deeply.

My son and I returned the next day alone. I wanted to be filled with the nature spirits, and Earth energy as much as possible, and as my sons school was closed for the week, I wanted to take advantage of the time I had with him. However, he was crying for an Icee the whole time we were in the woods and being cranky from having just awoke. So, as the Mother Goddess that I am, I picked him up and carried him on my back after about fifteen minutes into the woods. We walked near to the end of the trail and saw another family. Then we turned around. On our way back seeing a horse and a woman riding it on the other side of the river. Then all of a sudden a cop, out of no where, but we , or I for that matter, just kept walking; smiling and feeling my feet upon the earth. Oh, how I miss this so! I just kept saying over and over to Sach out loud "doesn't this feel SO good in the woods Sach?" "Mommy really loves it here and has been missing this for a long time." He whined about wanting to leave. Then I said, "Sachi, this makes mommy feel good and a better mommy. Will you stay longer? It's really good for us to be here. It helps you as much as it does me. Let's play over there in the creek again like yesterday." He protested, but as I was walking along on my own, with him leading before me.

I said to myself, "Oh, God, this feels SO good!" I almost teared for how pleasurable it felt JUST WALKING in nature; as if I was numb to its feeling for these past 6 years after the major event; the feeling of being shut down from a trauma so intense, all sensations of pleasure were only felt to a minimum, and now the ability to truly feel again; even at the level of nature....the pleasure of bliss inside my body, and a tingling sensation of movement that felt like my heart had an orgasm, and even the chakras running all down my body. It was a pleasure I hadn't felt in years.

I, being the youngest women I knew to embrace the psychic path, before it became a popular and common thing in the Spiritual communities, before yoga became known or even Reiki, I was doing ALL of these things, and doing it at a very young age, and developing empathic abilities, channeling abilities and intuitive abilities others around me were jealous of. All of these gifts disappeared after the rape (not completely, but to a large degree), and now, the feeling of sensing the nature spirits, the feeling of my crown chakra lighting up, my heart chakra having an orgasm and a feeling of my entire being filled with BLISS ~ ~ just from walking through the woods, gives me hope, gives me something VERY much to look forward to. A psychic Healer who became a Goddess, who was raped and practically numb to the spiritual world, but feeling pleasure after meditation and a clearing with another, now reclaiming my power as a Mother Earth Goddess and beginning the process of self pleasure, self full body orgasm on my own. This is my love, and this is ONLY the beginning!

Sexual Predators

2011-04-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

There's a fine distinction between love and sex and a fine distinction between sacred tantra and prostitution, but one of which I do NOT cross over!

I often give of myself very easily and let myself be immersed in the moment, but when a Seeker is asking of me to de-robe immediately upon his arrival, I have to question who he is and his motives. Is he a stalker and not to be trusted? Is he only looking for instant gratification and has no ability to be respectful of the female body? Is he filled with rage and angst that he cannot so much as be patient enough to wait until the right moment, when, and IF, there is an appropriate moment to de-clothe that which is utterly sacred to me?

Those who are seeking instant gratification, immediate satisfaction, unwilling to do the work to get to the end result, having no patience for themselves let alone another human, not creating a sacred and spiritual environment, in my eyes are not to be trusted, and in many cases be warned that they might only harm again.

I've allowed many to expose of themselves in front of me, and that is of their own choosing, but when expected of me to do the same at the same moment and with no boundaries upon what feels right to me, that is the exact reasoning I choose to armor myself more; or in other words, keep covered what I feel might be concluded to fall prey. To those wanderers who have nothing in mind other than the dark form of sexual arts and eroticism, I banish you from this body. And, if you EVER choose to have respect, I have MUCH to teach you.

THE NIGHT - Part 1

2011-03-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

It has literally been about 6 years, around May 20th, 2005 to be exact, that that big event occurred. I had just come home from a powerful Tantra Initiation in California. During the Tantra Initiation Training, I was reclaiming my love for my self, I was grieving a boyfriend at the time, mourning the fact that my father was never in my life, and I had spent a week long at the Initiation making love with an amazing lover almost every night. My body and spirit was in full blast and open at a level I had NEVER experienced before. I was working as a Massage Therapist at a Gentleman's Club at the time, and had the money and freedom to take off upon my request. I was single, living a poly lifestyle and the only commitment I had was my cats.

I was open and excited about life and sought out a man whom I had gone to high school with, and in fact dated while we were in middle school. I was excited to have found him. I felt a love for him and a desire to reconnect. I was feeling flirtatious upon my return from the Tantra Training and joked about connecting, but was never REALLY serious.

We decided to meet up and I made my way to driving to his place "in Coatesville". Perhaps that would have been a clue, but I just assumed it was a cheaper place to live and was his reason for being there. I was meeting two other girlfriends from high school on the same night. We decided to all meet at a bar in West Chester called the Blarneystone. I had never seen any of them in well over 12 years. And the girls were living a very traditional, normal working life, and in some ways were conservative and didn't know about any of my Spiritual, Yoga or Tantric world. They on some level, looked at me odd. I just shunned it as a difference, and maybe if we got together again I could acquaint them with some of this knowledge, but that opportunity never happened, after this wild, creepy and majorly misunderstood night.

Welcome to this Journey - 1st post

2011-03-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

Welcome all to my journey of self discovery. As many of you know, I had been raped about 6 years ago, and to all of your surprise, I actually OVERCAME it with my intense commitment to Tantra and ALL my personal work. That is not a small endeavor in the least. In fact, it's probably one of the most challenging pursuits one can take.

So in reality, this journal is about my commitment to having overcome a serious trauma, and coming to a place of loving to be touched, to touch, to give and receive love and now learning how to pleasure my self; my true self, my deepest self. The self that is in my soul, my heart that has longed for passionate love with others and my quest for a regular sexual encounter. Now, as I learn to be my own Tantric Master, and not just being with others, but in fact being alone, I can come to a place a full body pleasure at any moment I choose.

I realize this is not often a quest one takes while having a child, however, those moments I am with him will be my moments of choosing to control my body sensations and breathing out the pleasure until I am alone again amongst myself.

So here we are. A journey where one never knows the end, or how one came upon the events that took them to choose their next steps. Life happens, bit by bit, and we deal with things as we go along our way. Perhaps this too, will inspire you, or maybe marvel you into learning a few things yourself, or maybe in some ways, open your heart!

Pictures of baby and me!

2007-10-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

(Oct. 07)